The 3AM Trip to the ATM

Some people think they can do things that they aren't capable of doing. You will find out a lot about yourself if you play poker for a living. For one thing, you know for sure whether you are successful or not. You can't "forget" a trip to the ATM at 3am too many times. (Chris Rock once suggested they close ATMs after midnight because nobody is going to an ATM at 3am for a good reason.) Most jobs you don't have to perform all that well to get paid. Poker is different.

I knew a guy in high school named Bob. He was about 5 foot 6 inches tall and non-descript except for a rather large roundish head. Bob once stood in front of the trophy case in our high school lobby and surveyed all the school records. "I could beat that," he said, pointing his finger, "and I could beat that one and that one..." Bob was not very athletic and more than a few people were annoyed by his absurd boasts, but as long as his great accomplishments existed soley in his imagination it was hard to argue with him. Theoretically, he could beat every school record. It was within the realm of possibility.

Eventually, a second string basketball player named Kyle challenged him to play a game of one-on-one. A wager was made - a game to 21 win by 2, $10 a point. Bob was too stubborn to back down. His mind struggled to find a way he could defeat Kyle. After a long pause, he said, "I have an advantage. I've seen you play." This he believed was enough of an edge. To prepare for the game I suppose Bob read several books about basketball.

The time of the game was set, a crowd gathered in the gym. Bob started with the ball. He dribbled, faked, threw up a hook shot and it went in! 1-0 Bob. All Bob's greatness was now being confirmed inside an actual playing arena. His face beamed with a determined pride. "This is how it should be," he seemed to be thinking. "I am great. I will win."

Bob, however, was severely outmatched and his face soon took on a twisted, painful grimace as Kyle ran off the next 13 points on his way to a 21-3 victory.Bob was $180 in the hole. This was a lot of money in high school for a kid with no job. Bob delayed payments for a time while Kyle grew increasingly threatening. Towards the end of school one day Bob paid Kyle with a few $10 bills stacked on top of some McDonald's gift certificates and slipped away before Kyle discovered the trick. The thought must have popped into Bob's big head as he was running through the parking lot that this was a short-term solution.

The next morning Bob was contrite and a payment plan was hashed out to both parties mutual satisfaction.I wish some of my poker lessons had only cost $180. I guess my point is that a continued state of self-delusion is fatal in poker so be honest about your mistakes and willing to learn from them. And if you see me looking a little haggard and red-eyed around the ATM machine at 3am, keep in mind I like to go grocery shopping late; it's quiet, and not so crowded, and I can be first in line for the warm, fresh bakery bagels that I love so much.