Beware of the Steve-O

All casinos breed a certain type of character that is unable to win, but lacks the will-power to leave an environment where the promise of easy money hangs heavy in the air. This character lacks the discipline and intelligence to beat poker or black-jack so he must sustain himself by other means. He goes by many names, but for the purpose of this post I will refer to him as Steve-O, though in individual cases his real name is usually not given. Steve-O will say he makes his living gambling, but his true source of funding is a combination of the following:

1. Public Assistance
2. Family Assistance
3. Unknown
4. Conning innocents out of their hard-earned cash

When meeting new people, Steve-O has 2 goals.

1. Get the most money he can from this person.
2. Avoid the person after goal number 1 is achieved.

Steve-O's senses are finely tuned to any new player who walks into a casino. From years of hunting Steve-O has honed his skills to operate with unconscious precision. He lurks near the poker tables like an alligator submerged to the eyes in a pond, waiting for its next unsuspecting victim. In an instant he will be able to discern whether or not you will come to the edge of the pond for a drink.There is no way you will be able to spot Steve-O based on his appearance. Steve-O is well-camouflaged. He is a clean-cut man in nice clothes, sporting a stylish watch or bracelet.One tip that may indicate you are dealing with a Steve-O is his constant need to play Keno tickets and bet on sports.

Steve-O will also need to somehow indicate that he has a surplus of cash that he has attained from one of the following methods:

1. He is a day trader.
2. He recently won a Jackpot.
3. He won a Jackpot in Vegas sometime back that set him up for life.
4. He owns a bar or deals in some way with real estate.

Once Steve-O has met you, his victim, he will try to gain trust by the following methods:

1. He will refer to you as "buddy" or give you a nickname.
2. He will ask you to go in on a pot together, meaning you will share equally with Steve-O the losses and gains for any particular hand the two of you are both involved in. Since you are a poker player and he is a gambler you will play fewer hands and generally have the best of it and thus he will share in a portion of your winnings while minimizing his losses. Advantage Steve-O.
3. He will buy you a drink.
4. He will tell you the best place in town to get pizza.
5. He will add an "O" to the end of his name.

When your guard is down, he will ask you for money. Here are some reasons he needs money.

1. His ATM card is maxed out.
2. He wants you to bankroll his trip to Vegas.
3. He wants you to bankroll a bigger game right in the room where he is going to take some real fish for several g's.
4. He just spent his last dime on his mother's radiation treatments and needs a few bucks to get rolling again.

At this point you may not even know if this person is actually a "Steve-O" or not. The best way to defend yourself from Steve-O is to have this rule: Never loan money to anybody in a casino. It is sometimes hard to say "No." If it helps, say it like this, "I'm sorry, but I have a policy where I don't ever loan money to anybody." This makes it less personal.There are only two possible outcomes to loaning money.

1. You get paid back, partially or in full.
2. You don't.

One of these is bad and the other puts you right back at even.But here is one sure fire way to know whether or not you are dealing with a Steve-O. Loan him money. If it is a Steve-O, it will vanish.

The 3AM Trip to the ATM

Some people think they can do things that they aren't capable of doing. You will find out a lot about yourself if you play poker for a living. For one thing, you know for sure whether you are successful or not. You can't "forget" a trip to the ATM at 3am too many times. (Chris Rock once suggested they close ATMs after midnight because nobody is going to an ATM at 3am for a good reason.) Most jobs you don't have to perform all that well to get paid. Poker is different.

I knew a guy in high school named Bob. He was about 5 foot 6 inches tall and non-descript except for a rather large roundish head. Bob once stood in front of the trophy case in our high school lobby and surveyed all the school records. "I could beat that," he said, pointing his finger, "and I could beat that one and that one..." Bob was not very athletic and more than a few people were annoyed by his absurd boasts, but as long as his great accomplishments existed soley in his imagination it was hard to argue with him. Theoretically, he could beat every school record. It was within the realm of possibility.

Eventually, a second string basketball player named Kyle challenged him to play a game of one-on-one. A wager was made - a game to 21 win by 2, $10 a point. Bob was too stubborn to back down. His mind struggled to find a way he could defeat Kyle. After a long pause, he said, "I have an advantage. I've seen you play." This he believed was enough of an edge. To prepare for the game I suppose Bob read several books about basketball.

The time of the game was set, a crowd gathered in the gym. Bob started with the ball. He dribbled, faked, threw up a hook shot and it went in! 1-0 Bob. All Bob's greatness was now being confirmed inside an actual playing arena. His face beamed with a determined pride. "This is how it should be," he seemed to be thinking. "I am great. I will win."

Bob, however, was severely outmatched and his face soon took on a twisted, painful grimace as Kyle ran off the next 13 points on his way to a 21-3 victory.Bob was $180 in the hole. This was a lot of money in high school for a kid with no job. Bob delayed payments for a time while Kyle grew increasingly threatening. Towards the end of school one day Bob paid Kyle with a few $10 bills stacked on top of some McDonald's gift certificates and slipped away before Kyle discovered the trick. The thought must have popped into Bob's big head as he was running through the parking lot that this was a short-term solution.

The next morning Bob was contrite and a payment plan was hashed out to both parties mutual satisfaction.I wish some of my poker lessons had only cost $180. I guess my point is that a continued state of self-delusion is fatal in poker so be honest about your mistakes and willing to learn from them. And if you see me looking a little haggard and red-eyed around the ATM machine at 3am, keep in mind I like to go grocery shopping late; it's quiet, and not so crowded, and I can be first in line for the warm, fresh bakery bagels that I love so much.

Remember When?

Interesting article by Daniel Negreanu about the new school of poker.

Squidoo

Squidoo.com has built a platform that makes it easy for anyone to teach about what they know. It is similar to a blog, but you can do a lot more with it. You build what is called a "lens." You can create links, have live rss news feeds and use a photo sharing module called Flickr that will pick up and publish relevant pictures for your lens.

Essentially, it gives novices like me the simple tools to create their own website. I still have a lot to learn about it, but I set this up yesterday. Online Poker for Beginners

Any comments, advice and/or feedback is appreciated.

The Pooh Bag

I was recently discussing with some friends how convenient it is to be able to play poker online line in the comfort on one's own home. You can play in the bathtub or while perched on the toilet. Indeed, having a wireless laptop was my solution to building a toilet next to the computer desk. The silence of being online also solves the problem I often run into on the phone when talking to a girl, as I don't have to disguise the flush by pretending I'm doing dishes, or flick the handle and make a mad dash to the next room.

For those not fortunate enough to have a wireless hook-up for your laptop you can now choose from a wide variety of pooh bags and continue to play poker virtually undisturbed.